A Friend Down – RIP Tristan Palmer
late this evening I found out my friend, former roommate and coworker Tristan Palmer had passed – this is my reaction and effort at consoling myself….
Sigh – Tristan – your not supposed to leave here yet. Things were all coming together – the world was righting itself around you. I was so very happy to hear of the continued expansion of Lasercraze and your success in endeavors with your body and education. It was all good.
I’ll try to take some solace in your happiness before you past, from what your friends and family have said it sounds as if you were “on top of the world..” but truth be told I’m mad…
I’m mad we won’t get to become closer friends as I had always intended when my career brought me more regularly into the states. I’ve even been in talks recently about bringing a business similar to Lasercraze into China with some of my current partners.
You should still be here – you’ve no right to leave – I feel you’d only just begun to realize – you’d only just begun to shine. Such a waste – a bulb dropped and shattered well before it’s filament was spent.
I feel bad for some ill-will I’ve held against you before – frustrated with our differences in your inconsolability at times. I hope it was always clear to you that I believed in you. Though I may have scoffed, doubted, and perhaps even browbeat you at times I always believed in you. If I hadn’t we wouldn’t have been friends – I wouldn’t have lived with you – I wouldn’t have worked with you.
I don’t know what to do – I’ll tell those that ask of your goodness when they speak of you – will that be sufficient? I’ll remember you fondly, smiling, laughing, being goofy, being a good friend even when I pushed some boundaries too hard. I’ll support your family as much as I can, as far as I am useful and contributing, as they deal with your passing. Does that make a difference?
There is no consoling me when it comes to lost potential, and that is fueling a fury in me I dare not bottle. There was so much more life had for you and you had for it – if everything happens for a reason than I care not for reason now. There is no righting by it – no justice realized – no equation balanced. Fuck reason, fuck fate, fuck odds – there is no idiom I can apply to sooth this sting.
I will miss you my friend, as you deserve to be missed, dearly and tenderly. I will grant you the only gift worth giving now. I’ll share, in whatever small way I can, the joys of life that I experience henceforth. I won’t weigh you heavily around my neck as a burden – I don’t think you would have wanted that. I’ll bear you as a trinket on my soul – well kept – sparkling and wild in the light when it breaks free from its coverings. You were so very beautiful when you wanted to be. May the ache ease and give way to warmth as time wears on. May the love that surrounds you live on and continue to do good as you would have wished to do. I am honored to have been a part of your life.