Chinese Girls – Careful!

chinese girl

Now wait just a minute – I’m not going to go off on some kind of ignorant man-rant. This entry is simply a reiteration of a warning I hear over and over again about Chinese girls from those I care about in my life and what I believe we should take away from them.

For anyone that’s had the privilege and position to be a westerner in China exposed to younger Chinese women in this day and age you will know the allure. It’s almost too easy for us to attract attention and affection with minimal effort. Satisfying needs requiring the opposite sex become all to easy. It truly will spoil you. However dealing with this situation with the tools your mother culture has equipped you with can leave you in some very sticky situations. Here are some of the guidelines I’ve learned – in the form of the voices that delivered them to me:

Don’t let a girl live with you..

Unless of course you have the intention of marrying her and having babies and buying her all the things she wants + her parents and extended family need.
I find the meaning in this step forward in a relationship usually extends deeper for Chinese women than western women. Moving in together is essentially step A in the sequence of steps necessary to obtain marriage. Take care – don’t make this move unless you basically want to spend the rest of your life with this woman – or want to pay hell to get out of it.
As for the parents/extended family aspect. I’m not saying that all Chinese girls are created equal and that their entering into your lives in any long term fashion will automatically involve her parents and extended family. However it would be wise to consider this influence on their lives. I have yet to meet a Chinese girl who doesn’t have parents that are upset with her for being unmarried after her early 20′s. I also have yet to meet a Chinese girl who doesn’t feel strongly that she needs to care for her parents in a “hands-on” fashion until the day they die.

Be Careful with your financial data..

This is a lesson I’m still too naive to enforce full strength. I don’t believe that the majority of Chinese women are gold-diggers. On the contrary most of the women I’ve spent any time with have been quite the opposite (as far as i can gather). However, we’re talking influence here not absolutes. Consider the fact that, historically speaking, Chinese women have been socialized to find a good provider (rich dude) and latch onto him for the benefit of her family. Even those women that are doing their best to fight this influence will be hard pressed to ignore the allure of a man candidly revealing the multitudes of his wealth. Strong social forces are at play – keep your bankbook to yourself and don’t drive her around in your Lambo to see all your property in the area – again unless your looking for a permanent situation.

Generally Speaking..

Just like most of my cultural learnings in China – you need to be respectful and accepting of the ways of the Chinese – women’s right’s, cultural influence, social position, perspective, and belief system’s are no exception. If your interested in making an impression on them and adjusting their expectations – you’ll first need to be prepared to do some accepting of your own. Blunt force will not help you achieve any meaningful goal with a beneficial end. Adopt the perspective of a respectful student and teacher – push gently and firmly when you find you have an appropriate amount of social capitol – listen carefully and thoroughly when she voices her own perspective and understanding of things. Be ready to adapt just as you would expect her to if turns out it makes sense to do so.

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  • http://twitter.com/michelini michelini

    hahah, awesome post – these should be bolded and posted on the china visa entry forms….lol

    But yes, even as alll these books speak about the world being flat, getting more equal, etc — its family and culture that r the slowest to adopt

  • http://www.mariebalaanblog.com Marie

    This is great!!yeah, it should be posted on the china visa entry forms…haha…”GOVERNMENT WARNING: Chinese girls are dangerous for your wealth.”

    But, this doesn’t only applies to China. I guess mostly Asian countries. We call it marry me and my family. Pack one, Pack all.